Twas the night before Congress, when all through the House
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Instructions were hung by the lectern with care,
In hopes that Boehner could read when he got there.
The Congressmen were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Tea Parties danced in their heads.
Koch brothers in mansion, and Glenn Beck spewing crap,
They had screwed America and blamed Obama for the rap.
When out on the floor there arose such a clatter,
It was Rush Limbaugh, looking for ways to get fatter.
Away from the pig we flew like a flash,
Tore open our wallets and threw him our cash.
We jumped out the window into new-fallen snow
We hoped to escape from our right wing-nut foe.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a polluting motorized sleigh, and eight stuffed reindeer.
With a spaced out driver, who looked like she's failin',
I knew in a moment it had to be Sarah Palin.
More polluting than factories her coursers they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
I've shot you all dead and had you stuffed at the mall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Or I'll feed you to Rand Paul!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the House-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of cutbacks, and Sarah Palin too.
And then, in a twinkling, we heard heard up on high
Firing of guns at something that had flown by.
As we drew in our heads, and were turning around,
Down the chimney dead St Nicholas fell to the ground.
Then Sarah jumped down, landing by his foot,
And her clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of guns she had flung on her back,
And she looked like a mercenary, getting ready to attack.
Her eyes-how they glared! her pimples how merry!
Her cheeks were like moses, her nose grew quite hairy!
Her droll little mouth was drawn up like a BB,
And the size of her boobs had grown to at least DD.
The stump of a gun she held tight in her teeth,
And the smoke it encircled her head like a wreath.
She had a mean face and a screechy little laugh,
Like chalk on a chalkboard, or a sick little calf!
She was skinny and mean, a right grouchy old bag,
We laughed when we saw her, despite wanting to gag!
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
Soon let us know we had everything to dread.
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
And wrote in the instructions, for Boehner the jerk.
And sticking her finger inside of her nose,
Pulled out a big booger, then up the chimney she rose!
She sprang to her sleigh, at her team fired a shot,
And away they all flew like they were drowning in snot.
But I heard her exclaim, and it wasn't very funny,
"Screw you America, we're going to steal all your money!"